That’s what I have been for some months now. Procrastinating, or jumbled up somewhere else, unnecessarily wasting and passing of time at places made for doing the very same.
So I am giving myself a start over.
I readily forgive myself and pledge to do better. So easy to believe one’s self, and forgive too, but your mind will hold on to those things, inflicted by someone else. I have been asking myself to forgive others, let those people not hold any power over my life. And I resolve to do better. holding those grudges does not do good. So I am gonna empower myself. Be the better person, and forgive others as easily as I did myself.
I have been struggling with some chemical imbalance, which I am trying very hard to fight, and still struggling. One minute I am alright, happy and giving and the next minute I feel like my life will crumble, I will loose myself, alone in this wide world I have no one to talk to, what will I do?
(The daylight savings makes talking to my family very difficult, cause when I complete my duties and wish to talk to them ,its already past their sleeping time in India, rendering me helpless state, during my chemical imbalance, otherwise I always tell myself I can talk to them later.)
At that moment, life is so hard..so unyielding. Hubby asked me to keep myself busy, when I am busy I don’t fall apart, he asked me to read The Magic, but I know in mind that its not me who is scared, I have always loved myself, its the chemicals, I refuse to take medications, I don’t want to give my life control to medicines. I meditate instead. It has helped me differentiate between the chemicals and my true self.
My mom dad has helped a lot, from thousands of miles apart. They helped me remember, who I am. I was blaming myself for everything that went wrong. And defensing myself . My sister opened my eyes, and helped me, keep my state. And hubby is always there to put hand over my forehead and just be there. Though they doesn’t understand what’s happening, they are doing there best to keep me sane, when I am not sure of myself. I don’t wish to live like this, and I will fight when I am hit with my challenges. Love is keeping me alive and I will fight this with all the love inside. I am so grateful for my family. I can not thank enough for you guys.
Let love rule your life, let goodness overcome yourself, lets be the best person on this planet.
Let there be good.
P.S I love you all, may you be blessed with a warm fulfilling life, with joy and happiness creeping up to you wherever you go.